WARM UP YOUR FUCKING HEAD WITH FACIAL HAIR AND HATS THIS WINTER!

“Nice hat, asshole!”  is what I remember shouting out the passenger side of my best friends ride last july. 

It was 95 degrees and I saw an indie-rock pal on hawthorne wearing a stocking cap and beard when he should have been dressed more tropical/practical.

Man, he looked stunning… but I can assure you  he was not ‘making the summer fresh’.

what’s with this reverse papa smurf look?
papa_smurf

"my favorite bands are 'Smurfs of Leon' and 'The Red Hot Chili Smurfs'"

 

You see guys,  sometimes life is all about timing and placement. His hat was in the wrong place (his head) at the wrong time (the peak of summer). So the answer is clear…. we gotta time machine his look to the present day.

So last weekend we turned back the clocks and  gained an extra magic hour. Somehow that extra hour gave my facial hair growth a jumpstart. I shaved on Halloween and now somehow I have a pretty amazing beard in just 9 days! Now I’m  turning heads and creating a buzz in the community wherever I go with this new ‘kenny loggins’ (short beard).

Kenny-Loggins
“Why would my face be cold smartass? Fuck you Kenny G!

So I’m gonna keep this sweet lil ‘Kenny Rogers’ (neat beard) for a while and I’ll tell why….

1) MY FACE WILL KEEP WARM

2) I WILL SAVE ON SCHICK CINCO RAZOR $22 RIPOFFS. THIS WILL GIVE ME COOL HAT MONEY.

3) 60% OF ALL INDIE ROCK  SWEETHEARTS LIKE BEARDS AND I’M WILLING TO ROLL THOSE DICE.

 

So before I reveal  the secrets to achieving the ultimate winter hat/beard combo we’re gonna have to set a few things straight… Beards are not for everybody. Hats are not for everybody. This is case-by-case  kind of shit.

You gotta have beard confidence and a good posture to pull off this look correctly. You see, most bros look like idiots with little hats hanging off the back of their heads.  Am I right?

snap crackle
Hey Crackle and Pop- where’s you’re friend? Snap!

Anyways guys, all I’m saying get a cool hat and don’t be afraid to go outside. If you’re a guy, tryout a beard… if you’re a girl you can just admire mine.

Here’s my real predictions for winter 2009/10

COONSKIN HATS WILL MILDLY SWEEP THE NATION. here’s a link for some decent ones http://crockettcoonskincaps.tripod.com/

tailcap
one size fits all coolguys

 

ELMER FUDD STYLE.  

fudd
I’m a whole new man…. a serious man. I’ll wear this hat and stare at you.
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~ by kybrandrew on November 11, 2009.

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