Ten Must-fucking-haves for spring 2009!

 

    As you get older time goes faster.  It’s technically been spring since friday morn at 4:44 am…. Didn’t notice?  That’s because the weather has been fucked, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get a jumper on the season  of champions.
    Spring was invented in the late 1970s by a bunch of hippies who were tired of winter and couldn’t wait for summer cause they like to smoke their dope in more pleasant, almost tropical conditions. Perfect timing for us born after 1977 cause we’ve been living spring dreams since day one!
    #1. BADMINTON
    This is truly a lovely game that’s both easy and makes you look pretty athletic. Although I rarely win I consider myself an excellent player. You can pick up a whole set (fucking net and everything) at Fred Meyer or BI-MART  for under like $20. It’s extremely important to agree upon rules before gameplay or else you can get fucked over pretty quickly.

    trophy not included

    trophy not included

     

    #2. GENTLEMAN’S BOAT SHOE

    I had these same shoes as an eight year old genius and I’ll continue to sport them throughout the new season as an adult. Maybe they’re a lil played out but they’re comfortable as fuck and they’re actually waterproof. I should know  cause I was wearing them all last summer when I took to the high seas of the  Columbia like twenty times! No big deal… also darlings sometimes look at shoes so they can tell if you a player, shorty. $79 well spent.

    don't ever take the laces out or you're fucked

    don't ever take the laces out or you're fucked

     

    #3. ICED TEA

    Kinda the thing to drink if you’re completely down with the scene. They’re almost free($2) and have unlimited free-rees(free refils) if you know who to talk to.  Go fancy with a lemon garnish on the side  and let people know that you’re serious about refreshment. Buttfuck your thirst with Iced Tea!

    a true gent NEVER chugs soft drinks.....well maybe sprite once in awhile.

    a true gent NEVER chugs soft drinks.....well maybe sprite once in awhile.

     

    #4. START A FRIENDSHIP WITH A DOG

    Sometimes if you’re a single person with a tight sched and a luxury apartment pets aren’t a viable option. Does that mean you can’t bro down with a dog and get stoked on his/her companionship? FUCK NO! Man, some of they best dogs I know were strangers at first. Dogs are all about getting out in the community, making friends and starting bands. Terriers are a good start. Also check to see if your friends have dogs you could look at.

    arf

    arf

     

    #5. SEBASTIEN GRAINGER AND THE MOUNTAINS 

  1. This series of songs are guaranteed to enhance spring/summer. A collection of up-tempo numbers designed for windows down and feeling cool. Songs about meeting new friends, being rad, fucking things up then making them better than ever ! This will give you the same feeling  your 54 year-old uncle gets when he listens to Huey Lewis. Good stuff.mid-tempo-fuck-rock1
  2.  

    #6.SHRIMP COCKTAIL

    Without a doubt a very regal seafeed. Can’t decide if it’s only snack time or is a full dinner necessary? With daytime sometimes blurring into night a shrimp cocktail is the only choice! Even vegetarians are pretty down with dipping a shrimp. You can even make it at home and here’s the recipe:

     get some shrimp. dip them in the sauce.

    don't get me started bros!

    don't get me started bros!

     

    #7. SUNGLASSES MOST OF THE TIME

    Why not? The right pair of sunglasses will give you a false confidence and maybe a cool look if done right. Don’t be a dipshit and wear those neon fuckin things- Those are for little girls and that’s that. $8 shades are great if you lose them or leave them at hot girls houses all the time……. Go  for a light tint then you can parade them around at night. Just cause the sun go down doesn’t mean you have to stop being  fucking smooth.

    no one has to know

    no one has to know

 

#8. CHEAP BOATS OFF CRAIGSLIST

Get yourself $1000 and score yourself a little sea charmer that will fit an extra bro and at least two darlings. Make sure it runs decent and doesn’t look too shameful. Boat rips are the most summer fun you can have without actually fucking! As an added bonus install an inexpensive car stereo so you don’t miss out on the hot jams. Items 1-7 can maximize their potential when combined with boat. You heard it here first….

yes that's a fake leg and a decent looking gal

yes that's a fake leg and a decent looking gal

 

#9. RADIO CONTROLLED AIRPLANES

Take to the night sky like an eagle with tiny planes and almost zero danger! I have always been suprised r/c planes are not more popular in the indie rock and hip-hop scene. To decide if it’s right for you first make a paper airplane and throw it off your roof…. how’d that feel? If your answer is pretty neat, try multiplying that by one-thousand(neat x1000) and that’s what can easily be expected. Totally fun and they draw a pretty decent crowd if done correctly. They range in price from only $60- $150 for a pretty decent one.

Get ready to be really angry if the wind is blowing more than one mph though… These little dream machines tend to crash more than they actually land properly.  A seemingly glorious flight can quickly turn into shame and regret.

there's nothing wrong with this

there's nothing wrong with this

 

#10. GO TO THE  ROSE FESTIVAL AND MEET A NEW GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND!

This festival brings a shit-ton of people all to a tiny strip of grass on the waterfront every may. They have rides, snacks, redbull, beers, and tons of sketchy looking folks all day. All day long.

on the scene

on the scene

making the scene

making the scene

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~ by kybrandrew on March 24, 2009.

7 Responses to “Ten Must-fucking-haves for spring 2009!”

  1. Do you have a twitter?

  2. fuck twitter

  3. twitter is all the rage! don’t say that, guy! keep him/her updated, yo!

  4. thanks for the tip Garvs

  5. that pretty much somes up the must haves for summer 09. a cheap motorcyle would be a nice garnish as well.

  6. really love this post – hilarious – i’ve now subscribed via google reader!

  7. a few summer hits that could kill or suck:

    Clipse – Dirty Money
    Beach Boys – Sloop John B
    Love Language – Lalita
    A Tribe Called Quest – Jam
    Van Morrison – Glad Tidings
    Spank Rock – ???? it’s all tits ( & ass)
    Dananananaykroyd – Black Wax
    Animal Collective – My Girls

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